tuxuku.cc 
I walked down the street, very slowly. Observing this city, watching thepeople that were walking so quickly and passing me by. Enjoying the feelingof everything slowing down. I had a feeling like I am a spectator, watching amovie, happening right here in my real life, not imaginary. There are notreally much sceneries in here, besides thousands of hotels that wereresplendent and magnificent, which none of them fit my appetite. I know, LasVegas is a city that always present as a symbol of gambling and sex. Peopleare making all kinds of deals here, whether dirty or holy and pure, this isjust the place they pick out and decide to do it.Then what am I doing here? I asked myself, but then baffled by thisquestion. I came here, for the work, for the money at the first place. Right,but, what am I looking for now after all? Everything happened these few yearsstarted to flash across my mind. That brown edgy old letter suddenly caughtmy memory, and then I remembered I still have a sister, who named JoanneElizabeth in this world. I set up my next goal immediately --- Find Her!
I closed my eyes, feeling the nymphs of the sun dancing on my skin,through my eyelids; I had a very strong feeling that I am going to meet her!
I opened my eyes then, all of a sudden I was dazzled.“Ouch!!!!!” What the heck?! My forehead was nearly wounded by something,something warm, and hard! I raised my head and looked into his eyes. This washow I met my first boy friend --- Whitney. This was how I made the most“beautiful” mistake in my life also.
We fell in love in a rapid time like all the other couples. Ero’s arrowsare everywhere, and you cannot avoid them. I gave him all I could think of,included myself, and that was my first time. I did it because --- I love himfor no reason.
I went to the hospital a month later, just for a regular check as what Ido every year in the summer.
“Miss. Elizabeth, is that you?” the doctor held some documents in his handsand looked straight into my eyes, I had a bad feeling about this regularcheck right away.
“Yes, certainly.” I nodded, waiting for him to continue.“Lady, have a seat please.” He made a gesture. “Is your family here? I’d liketo talk to her or him.”
\"No.” I replied. My only sister is now in a place I don’t know.He sighed, “I am really sorry for you. Miss Elizabeth, I am afraid that youmay not tolerate the truth.” I had a hard time to breathe when I heard hiswords, like a fish that was hardly breathed without waters.“I will know it ultimately, it is just a matter of time.” I shrugged myshoulders; try to make myself look calm.“Miss Elizabeth, are you sure?” he asked me in a serious tone.I nodded.
“You have cancer of uterus.”
“Is that means…that means… I will never be able to have a child?” Iclenched my jaws, felt all the bloods that rose up into my brain just in afew second.
“Hmm.”
The last thing I saw was that he again opened his mouth and was sayingsomething that I couldn’t here, and he looked extremely worried about me. Thenthe blackness came, I passed out.
I didn’t plan to tell this to Whitney, although I definitely wanted to, butI was too afraid of what he will think of me. Maybe it was not a right timefor both of us to face it, but until one day…
“Do you love me?” I asked him after once more on the bed, nearly begging. Iknew that was a dumb question; I thought I could control my emotion, but Iwas wrong. I kissed him with my eyes closed, and I knew I had fallen for him.“Gillian, why are you asking such stupid thing?” A □□ile stretched across hisface, and opened up a beer. “I thought we both understood this. Am I right?”I turned my head to the other side, let the tears stay still; suddenlyunderstood there won’t be any results for us.“I am pregnant. And I WANT this child, l-e-g-a-l-l-y!” I didn’t want to becompletely hopeless, still wished if he was willing to merry me. So I lied tohim.
“Gillian, you know this is impossible for me, for both of us. I came tothis place for have fun, not for any marriage!” All of a sudden Whitney’s facefaded away so quickly as if I just stuck a knife into him. A minute of pulse,I stared at him.
“All right, I am sorry that I spoke out this way.” Whitney said, trying toavoid the unavoidable. “But you know I gotta go to college after this summer,and my parents will kill me if they know this!”“You got anything else to say to me?” I asked him coldly.A second for silence.
But then --- “Yeah!” Whitney nodded slowly and with a return of courage andsaid, “You shouldn’t lie to me Gillian.”I think now I can feel what he felt a moment ago --- fear.“What? What are you talking about?”
“You know what yourself is, Gillian. I saw that document on your desk; youdon’t have wombs any more. So why should I stay with a woman who doesn’t evenhas wombs?”
He definitely touched my wounded place; I ignore and tolerate it if it wasspoken out from other people’s mouth. But it was he! My face must have beenvery pale in that second, I could feel the blood, turned extremely cold whenI heard his words, as if thousands of arrows shot into me, stuck into myflesh. Despite, disappointed, and above of all, PAINFUL --- of what he said,I wished to slap him, I thought of it, and I did it in the next second.We broke up. And I knew I was the real loser in this competition. Icouldn\'t believe how I’d made this situation? I thought I don’t have theability to love people after their death. But I do, I do very much! Peopleturned to an idiot when they fell in love, and I am not the exception. Afterso many years, when I recalled my memory of this, I wouldn’t believe I’d choosehim at the first place.
Back to those days, I created myself a dream, a dream like a colorful,delightful and imaginary bubble, which now it burst into the air soabruptly that it didn\'t give me any second to think.
